Beyond empty phrases: What true appreciation means
By Kamal Nicholas
“Great job!” Two simple words, said quickly and usually meant well. But how many times do they truly resonate? Do these words feel genuine and lasting to the recipient, or do they fade away in the noise of everyday work life, like the energy-level after a heavy lunch?
Appreciation, recognition, acknowledgement – these are concepts that can be found in nearly any job description, all-hands meeting or company mission statement. Yet, the true, deeper lying meaning and impact of these words in daily collaboration often remains unclear. So let’s rethink this topic a bit.
From praise to meaning
Real appreciation doesn’t start with a pat on the shoulder and ends with a few positive emojis or a clapping GIF shared via Slack. Yes, these gestures might feel good briefly. But appreciation is not is an easy to use feel-good add-on or a gimmick to motivate your team. but rather a fundamental element for building trust, cooperation and (personal) development. Showing real appreciation is more demanding than sharing what might be perceived as symbolic, but superficial gesture. Praise alone is often too vague and lacks substance. “Well done” is an opinion, not feedback. It may offer the other person temporary satisfaction, but it provides no clarity about the how, the why or the impact of someone’s work. Without context, well-intentioned praise can fall flat. Even worse: It can breed mistrust if it comes across as used inflationary or undifferentiated.
Words with intention
Intention is the inner compass and driving force that shapes our actions. Without it, even well-chosen words can feel hollow. Appreciation demands clarity and awareness. Consider the following difference:
„I think you gave a very confident presentation–especially the way you responded to the critical questions. Your way of handling this created confidence and demonstrated that you know your expertise.”
and
“Top job”
The first case clearly shows engagement: It acknowledges not just the result, but also the process behind it, conveying that the person is seen and valued as a multifaceted individual, not just a service provider. In the en. We are all so much more than the roles we perform at work. We’re all shaped by our stories, experiences, values and carry emotion, hopes, and doubts. And I think in this case it’s ok to generalize and say that we desire to feel appreciated.
Just recently I experienced (again) how easily even well-meaning words can be misinterpreted In a feedback session, I intended to commend one of my colleague's powerful way of communicating by saying: “I think your fearless way of communicating is great”. My intention was to acknowledge her ability to handle difficult conversations with clarity and professionalism However, the word “fearless” almost sounded polemic once I heard myself saying it–almost as if she were behaving disrespectfully or confrontationally when communicating. It wasn’t a big thing and I could clarify what I meant shortly after, but this incident highlighted, that words do not work in isolation but require context and sometimes further explanation to convey true appreciation.
Honesty as a sign of respect
Valuing others also means providing constructive, honest and sincere feedback. Not only when things are going smooth, but (especially) during challenging times. Respectful, but direct criticism is a sign of trust, not an attack. It says: I take you seriously, I trust you to develop. While it can be difficult to hear things we are not (yet) good at, it is essential for development. This works best when the relationship between the people communicating is stable. And how do we get there? By investing beforehand–in genuine listening, inquiries and exchange. Without this foundation, feedback can quickly become defensive or hurtful.
Empathy in leadership
Whether in everyday life or in a work environment: Words have impact. Always. Even unspoken words can communicate volumes, especially when there should be words exchanged (to quote Paul Watzlawik “You can't not communicate”). The careless use of language can lead to misunderstandings, offense, discouragement, or demotivation. When chosen and used with intention and empathy, they can open up worlds.
Empathy in this sense means not only “be nice”. It includes being respectful, clear, interested and honest–with the courage to engage in difficult conversations while maintaining a positive relationship with the other. This requires effort, and that is precisely where its power lies.
Appreciation in daily interactions
Appreciation in teams (and any other relationship) is shown in daily interaction. In the way we speak, listen, criticize and praise, and in our willingness to reflect on ourselves on our own expectations. It’s about truly seeing others. Words can be empty. Or they can move mountains. The choice is ours.